Thursday, September 15, 2011

GRIM HUMOR

GRIM HUMOR


The headline in this morning’s Saint Paul paper reads, “80,000 ACRES AND GROWING – Smoke reaches Chicago as BWCA fire forces families from homes”.  For the non-canoeing public, BWCA stands for the Boundary Waters Canoe Wilderness that is protected from forest management; wildlife management; natural resource management and use; access roads (that would double as fire breaks and firefighting enablers); and other such human benefits such as downed timber (fire fuel) removal and use after storms by that federal ostrich behemoth the National Park Service.

The past two weeks I have read several reports about how the Bob Marshall Wilderness (that was, until recently, a very popular hunting destination for elk, deer, and moose) is now literally devoid of elk, deer, and moose as a result of federal introduction, protection, and spread of wolves and grizzly bears that have decimated the calves, fawns, and reproductive females of the elk, deer, and moose.  Thousands of these desirable and useful animals have been replaced by hundreds of deadly, dangerous, and destructive animals.  Also lost were 200-plus years of state and local Constitutional authority over what and how many wild animals would exist within each state and be allowed to coexist with local communities.  The Bob Marshall Wilderness (named after a “founder” of The Wilderness Society) encompasses over a Million Acres south of Glacier National Park in Montana and like the BWCA is “protected” from all manner of human prosperity by the National Forest Service that was originally staffed with foresters (i.e. “one who practices or is versed in forestry”) and today is simply a hodgepodge of hacks, diversity (sex and race NOT “bio”) programs, and environmental zealots.

So, what’s so funny about a popular canoeing destination going up in flames and a big-game hunting area’s big-game decimated of all the big game?  Good question.

Next summer Minnesota canoeists will “ooh” and “ahhh” as they pass by ashen campsites and barren hillsides.  Scout leaders will tell their paddling munchkins about the “natural processes” resulting from Mother Nature’s fire.  Visitor Centers will explain how the ashen runoff and formerly shaded shorelines will enjoy all manner of benefit from the fire.  There will be displays about how in 200 years it will once again be the pristine “native ecosystem” they saw only last year.  Asthmatic Milwaukeeans and Chicagoans that are coughing today will take their kids to the Park Service films in the Visitor Centers to let the Park Service propaganda about good old Mother Nature wash over the kids like Aryan claptrap drenching German kids in the 1930’s.

This fall local big-game outfitters will find few hunters willing to pay for being “guided” through the biological vacuum that is the Bob Marshall Wilderness today.  Despite the Forest Service website touting “The Bob” as “Home to lynx, grizzly bears, and bull trout”: who pays to find lynx?  Who pays to engage grizzly bears in remote areas where death and injury are the only real results?  Who pays to see a bull trout that was purposely replaced by other more abundant and appreciated trout?

Environmentalists and government bureaucrats are wont to tout wolves as killing coyotes that in  turn encourages “more” lynx.  Aside from that being a lie (resulting in “more” lynx since the northern 48 states have always been the southern fringe of lynx habitat where historically scattered and variable lynx populations are entirely dependent on cyclic rabbit/hare populations); these same zealots work to ban trapping, throw paint on fur coats, and demean trappers as perverts abused in their own childhoods.  “More lynx”?  For what??  But that’s not the joke.

These former wolf-loving advocates (i.e. the “usual suspects”) are no longer touting the wolves they love so much.  Despite “The Bob” being as infested with wolves as a Minnesota wolf is infested with disease-carrying fleas and ticks in summer, the website oddly doesn’t mention them as a destination highlight.  Could this be because they don’t want any member of the “general public” to associate “no elk, deer, or moose” with lots of wolves?  But that’s not the joke.

Here’s the joke.  If Weyerhaeuser (or any other “fat-cat”, corporate, “land-raping” land owner) had let hundreds of thousands of woodland acres in Northern Minnesota burn down and spread “aerial pollutants” from Duluth to Chicago and beyond… all “H@#*” would have broken loose.  The EPA would be flooding the Upper Midwest with Regulation Writers, Special Agents, US Attorneys, and a train of Camp-Followers made up of private lawyers from the environmental alphabet soup such as NRDC, CBD, WS, etc.  The papers would be interviewing children hacking outside their school in Michigan.  State and federal lawyers would join the enviro-lawyers to sue for all the lost wildlife and environmental harms verified by University eco-zealots from San Diego to Orono, Maine.  There would be pictures of logging slash (called “downed timber” on public lands) that was the “fuel” for the “conflagration”.  Canoe outfitters and fishing organizations (strangely silent today) would be warbling on Radio and TV about the need for federal intervention to save the land from these “robber barons”.  Universities would admit with their heads down that hunting and fishing will probably never recover to previous levels.  Politicians would appear in groups of thirty or more in one Washington corridor picture looking grim as they assure us that they will “do something”.

What if the Bob Marshall “elk, deer, and moose” had been decimated by hunters, poachers, and local “rednecks”?  Imagine.  The US Fish and Wildlife Service would assist (like we “assisted” Iraq) state fish and wildlife agencies to “crack-down” on interstate commerce in animals.  Phone taps and “No-Knock” search warrants would be ubiquitous along with undercover operations, draconian prison sentences and fines for hapless local residents.  Local residents that fit the media image of “poachers” will find themselves targets of both law enforcement and media reporters.  Road blocks and a need for cameras and satellite photography would begin as soon as new federal funding (from that corridor-full of Washington pols noted above) was forthcoming.  This federal/state Anschluss would also discourage any hunting or trapping while spreading more wolves and grizzlies (but not lynx) over more and more area which in turn depopulates rural environs, drives down rural land values, AND makes more rural land available to federal agencies (i.e. a “win-win” all around, except for a “few” folks that didn’t belong there anyway).

The joke?
If federal agencies burn and waste millions of acres of woodlands while polluting the air for millions of people it is “natural”.  Such bureaucrats are rewarded and government gives millions to Universities and other propagandists to explain the benefits of unplanned fires.
If private businesses or other private property owners burned and wasted millions of acres while polluting the air for millions of people it is a catastrophe.  Owners and others responsible are imprisoned, fined, ruined, and vilified.  Lawsuits, government seizures, and Grand Juries would extend far into the future while creating hundreds of newly-rich “John Edwards’s” as campaigning lawyers championing all the “little guys” irreparably harmed by the thoughtless and cruel capitalist land owners.

If federal agencies introduce, spread, and protect wolves and grizzly bears that decimate elk, deer, and moose it is “natural”.  Such bureaucrats are rewarded and government gives millions to Universities and other propagandists to explain the benefits of “native species”.
If hunters, poachers, and local “rednecks” decimate elk, deer, and moose it is Armageddon.  Public outcry for harsher penalties and no mercy for suspects would abound.  Hapless hunters would be apprehended and incarcerated for everything from lead bullets in their pocket to failure to unload their gun before entering the road ditch before crossing the road.  Mothers and children in wolf and grizzly country left abandoned by jailed husbands would be considered as getting their just deserts by smarmy big-city environmentalist newspaper articles.

If that isn’t “Grim Humor” I don’t know what is.  It is the darkest of dark humor.  It is the despairing humor common to Russia under Stalin.  It is the stark result of governmental abuse before which the individual is helpless.  It is one more clue that it is not only our national economy that is in decline.

To quote a somewhat famous Russian-American comedian, “Is this a great country, or what?”  It is sad to say, the answer today is “what”.

Jim Beers
14 Se. 2011           ........................If you like, Share it...

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